This was a strange disjointed kung-fu movie about a female wannabe Shaolin disciple who is taken under the tutelage of elderly hermit. The ten Kung-Fu Classic books are stolen from the temple and she is tasked with getting them back. But first she needs to learn all ten classic techniques… that… were stolen? Nothing in this movie makes any sense but it’s filled with wacky visuals (like stretchy arm boxing) to make up for the incoherence.

This movie felt like a Hans Baldung woodcut brought to life. Set in a dark New England forest in the 1600’s, the characters all talk in a difficult to understand version of old English. Their family is being harassed by a witch and all sorts of creepy animals. Although you see the witch early in the film, she isn’t really in it much. The film is mostly about the deeply religious family coming apart as weird events happen and children disappear. I didn’t think that it was particularly scary, but the imagery really stuck with me. Especially the final moments of the movie when all is revealed.

I was expecting something a bit more action packed. Instead this movie is just a series of scenes of people talking to each other from across a table in which one of the participants may snap at any time. Sure it’s tense, but when all was said and done, it felt like nothing had happened the entire movie.

Christopher Guest has created another fake documentary about a bunch of characters trying to win a contest. This time they are trying to win the award for best team mascot. Amusing, but not nearly as good as some of his past efforts. I think I just didn’t like this younger group of actors as much as the SCTV-era comics from his other films.

I have finally gotten around to watching Dario Argento’s most recent movie—his 3-D take on the Dracula story. Everything that has been wrong about Argento’s post-Stendhal Syndrome work is on display here. The acting is terrible, the story is dumb and the effects are a lame CGI mess. Most importantly, he has completely lost any sense of the dynamic visual style of his classic work. Despite the 3-D (or maybe because of it), the compositions are flat and boring and it feels like a movie of the week. I can only think of one scene, in which Dracula attacks a room full of townspeople, that has any energy or flair to it. I may have to watch Trauma again to be sure, but this is probably his worst film.

Having blunted the needle on my iTunes from playing Bobby Womack’s title song so much I thought it was about time I saw the film he wrote it for. I went in expecting the usual black-exploitation trash, but this movie is more of a cross between The French Connection and Superfly. The story follows three groups of characters: the mobsters, the petty criminals who killed said mobsters’ men, and the cops on the case. It’s a dark and gritty film filled with racial tensions and not much in the way of happy endings or genuinely good characters (except maybe Yaphet Kotto’s Lt. Pope). Sometimes it a bit over-the-top in its portrayals, but it was riveting all the way through.

For years I have heard about the cult status of this movie and I could have sworn I have seen it before. But I think this is just one of those cases where I had seen enough clips to have gotten the feeling what the movie is all about without having seen it in its entirety (reminding myself what movies I’ve seen is one of the main reasons I list films here… lord know we don’t need more Web movie reviews by hacks like me). Well, thanks to the internet I’ve seen it from start to finish, and yes, it’s true, this is a dumb yet thoroughly entertaining monster movie about giant killer worm things.

Michelle Yeoh and Cynthia Rothrock’s debut film is corny and very dated but it was everything I expected (meaning, not much).