Platform: PC

I was always under the impression that Unreal games continued to be released over the years, but, apparently, this the only mainline sequel. I can see why they stopped. For starters, this game is well-nigh unplayable if you don’t use a speed hack. The original was a fast and twitchy “boomer” shooter but this one plays like you’re traversing a mayonnaise planet.

Thankfully, increasing player speed is just a matter of editing a .ini file. Unfortunately the game remains pretty forgettable even after the fix. Unreal had a very distinct, otherworldly feel but, for the most part, the sequel is just standard space-marine stuff. It only starts to get close to the feeling of the first game in the final couple of levels: one in which you explore a weird alien structure, and the other that plays around with gravity. The remaining 80 percent of the game is just walking through military bases looking for the artifact contained in each.

There was a concerted effort to inject story and character development through conversations with your shipmates. They each force you to listen to their backstories through unskipable dialogue trees. This is not the best narrative device but it serves its purpose in forcing a tiny bit of drama during the final downer ending.The themes lean hard into the Star Trek II “needs of the many” trope, but seem to forget the whole bit about self-sacrifice. The game ends with you shooting an adversary in stomach all while your low poly character model grins his painted on smile. No chance for redemption. Just Blammo! and walk away.

After playing the travesty that was Daikatana, I needed to remind myself that FPS games from that era could actually be good. I’m pretty sure I played Unreal in the early 2000s. I don’t know if I ever finished it though.

It’s definitely not the most story-rich game but Unreal makes up for it in fast and challenging combat, a large variety of weapons, tricky enemy AI, and visuals that hold up pretty well. This was the first time we ever saw dynamic lighting, reflections, and rippling water. The developers don’t waste any time getting to show you how awesome they were by opening the game with an impressive fly-through of a Na-Pali castle before you even click Start Game.

The levels vary between futuristic interiors, ancient temples, and vast outdoor spaces. The large areas can feel a bit empty but they offer a bit of a break after fighting through dark, tightly-spaced environments, seeking out secret levers and push buttons. There’s a level about an hour into the game that’s just awful with lots of swimming and backtracking that can make even the most dedicated players rage quit, but once you get past that hurdle the game opens up and becomes more manageable and fun. I even went on to play the expansion pack called Return to Na-Pali which puts more effort into telling a story via voice-over recaps at the end of every level.

John Romero has finally made me his bitch and it only cost 97¢. This game was widely panned when it came out and I always thought that it couldn’t possibly have been that bad. Well, I’m sorry to say, Daikatana is not a good game even when considering the context of when it came out. The fact that this shipped after Half-Life and Deus Ex adds even more weight to the case against it.

It was an ambitious game: a first-person shooter with a deep story and sidekick characters to help you along in your quest all played against the backdrop of time-travel and wildly varied environments. What we get are overly-long exposition dump cutscenes, constantly trying to keep your sidekicks from getting stuck on ladders, and, most egregiously, bland FPS shooting mechanics.

Thankfully there is a fan-made patch that helps out with some of the technical problems that still exist and also does away with some of the worst design decisions such as limiting saves based on collecting “save tokens” in the game. If you can make it to the first time-travel jump, it does get somewhat better, but the first episode is absolutely terrible. You are immediately (well after a 10 minute cutscene) dropped into a swamp in which you can be instantly killed by well-camouflaged mosquitos and frogs. I powered through but I can’t say it was worth it.

From the intense non-stop first-person action of demon hordes, to the intense non-stop first-person action of Russian fishmongers! The first Metro game was a just-ok first person shooter with a limited palette of monsters, environments, and, yes, colors.

The second game in the series adds a bit more color and character to the world of post-apocalyptic subway tunnels but never quite hits the mark in terms of game-play. Much of the Metro Last Light borders on being a “walking simulator” as a good chunk of the game is devoted to moving through areas as plot exposition is dumped on the player. Memorable action set-pieces are few and far between.

Apparently you are rewarded for non-lethal kills and interacting with NPCs, but this is not telegraphed at all. I spent most of the stealth portions of the game shooting enemies point blank with a silenced pistol. As a result I got the lesser game ending, but at least I got to off a bunch of commies and neo-Nazis along the way.

I didn’t hate the game, but in the wake of Doom: Eternal I found that there was more to be desired. Mainly, a chainsaw.

The follow-up to 2016’s Doom reboot is an absolute blast featuring some of the most fluid FPS mechanics ever implemented. Narrative takes a backseat to action set pieces in which you must keep moving and shooting. The primary challenge beyond FPS aiming skill is being able to manage when you perform “glory kills” to replenish your health and when you chainsaw fodder enemies to gather ammo. This is the closest thing you can get to a 3-D version of Robotron 2084 and that’s some of the highest praise a game can get.

It’s a Dishonored 2 stand-alone expansion pack! If you liked that game you’ll probably like this too. You play as the Billy the ship lady from and do all the usual sneaking around and save spamming that you remember from before. Most of the game centers around a single section of town with one unique zone (like a residence or bank) to explore in each chapter. I spent most of my efforts trying to complete a no-kill play through. Turns out there is no real penalty for killing until you fget to the final choice of whether to kill the “Outsider.”

The premise of this game intrigued me: you play as a character in a 50s sci-fi B-movie whose actions are narrated by the director’s DVD commentary track. The design is supposed to be retro-futuristic but you see strings and bad rubber masks, etc.

Turns out that this premise is not executed very well. The voice of the director is completely wrong. There’s a winking, self-aware DVD producer voice that ruins any sense of immersion. Creatures which are supposed to be bad stop motion, just look like sloppy game animations. The characters just look like the monsters they are supposed to be and never feel like actors in costumes.

On top of all that, it feels like hardly any effort was put in to making the actual game play fun. It’s sort of twin-stick shooter-y at times, and point at bad-guy and button mash at other times. This is the sort of game mechanics that you would create if you were following a “let’s make your first game in Unity” tutorial. If it’s any consolation, at least the game was short.

I initially liked the no nonsense action-oriented combat of this RPG but I soon realized that it was just the same thing over and over again. I think the biggest hook here is not the insipid cat theming, but that the entire game is played on the over-world map. Other than that, the story is immediately forgettable, there is no actual “role playing,” and there is no variety or strategy in the battles.

It’s another freebee game from the Epic game store! I guess it was okay. There’s a deliberate Studio Ghibi vibe here in that it’s a story filled with Asian spiritual mysticism that takes place in a quaint European village. You control a mouse who is granted electrical powers from a spirit and you must go through the village and restore power to the various frustrated citizens.

The vast majority of the game play is exploring the town looking for collectables—not my favorite—as you help minor spirits accomplish various tasks. These range from “find every mailbox” to “match the symbols.” This is definitely a kids’ game. A kids’ game in which the main character commits suicide in the last reel. Fun stuff!

My first and biggest complaint about this video game adaptation of Mad Max is that there weren’t enough Australian accents. And, aside from some of the vehicular combat, it doesn’t really feel like Mad Max. Sure, it does a good job in replicating the look of the movies complete with War Boys, endless desert, and fantastical cars galore. But the whole post-apocalyptic wasteland was much more interesting in Fallout. Here the open world seems barren and the characters inhabiting it are just as empty.

Despite all this, as a game is does what it needs to do. On foot, the combat is a poor man’s version of the rhythmic punching of the Batman games. Time your blocks and mash the A button when you get an opening. The game is at it’s best on convoy missions where you chase down a group of cars and shoot, ram and run them off the road. It’s not quite the epic automotive battles of the movies, but at least there is some sense of the mayhem that George Miller was able to capture on film.