Robert Wm. Gomez's

Authenticity Fetishist

Martian Law - Authenticity Fetishist - Front Cover
Martian Law - Authenticity Fetishist - Front Cover

Authenticity Fetishist is the fourth official release by Martian Law. It was written and produced during the summer and fall of 2018 in Chicago, Ill., USA.

Buy the Album on Bandcamp

This album is only available as a digital release. You can buy it through Bandcamp for a measly three bucks or, if you are a cheapskate who doesn't want independent creators to thrive, just download it for free. I'm not judging.

Track Listing

Alien: Isolation on PC (8/10)

Alien: Isolation

The first few hours of Alien: Isolation are some of the most nerve-racking gaming I have ever experienced. It's a stealth game in which you are mostly defenseless and must hide to survive. There's no sneaking up behind enemies and stabbing them in the back. The enemies aren't just some dopey guards walking in a set pattern that you are trying to avoid. It's one of the most menacing monsters in cinema history. One wrong turn or overly loud noise and you are facing its dripping double jaws in seconds.

Nosforatu (7/10)

What can be said about this movie that hasn't already been said in the "Under Pressure" video by Queen. For as important a movie that this is, it's surprising how beat up the print is on Amazon streaming. Most of the appeal is in the creepy monster design which, if it had been filmed with modern equipment, would probably not be all that creepy.

Deep Star Six (7/10)

The only reason I watched Deep Star Six was because I remembered the excellent box art on the tape and was intrigued to finally see what this movie was all about. I think I was in the right mindset at the moment because I actually enjoyed this despite its major plot and characterization shortcomings. It was just nice to see a movie filled with practical effects in an underwater setting that, outside of The Abyss, is underused in cinematic sci-fi.

Human Lanterns (8/10)

Not quite a horror film, but this is probably as dark and weird as a kung-fu picture will get. As the title suggests, this is about a guy who makes lanterns out of human skin. It's gruesome (yet not at all realistic), but more noteworthy is the main, masked villain's mad monkey fighting style. The entire movie is stylish and cool and very entertaining despite narrative shortcomings.

What Have You Done to Solange? (7/10)

Don't get me wrong. I love me some 70s Italian sleeze. But this movie could have really dialed it down a bit. There is a pretty compelling mystery here that gets a little lost amidst the crotch stabbings and the high-school-aged girls showering. As far as giallos go, it's not quite as visually stylish as its peers, but the avant guarde Morricone score is top-notch.

Chinatown (8/10)

I have finally seen this movie and I liked it. Does the Internet need another review of it? Many consider this the greatest screenplay ever written. There was a lot of set-up/payoff and many surprises along the way. So, I guess it's pretty good.

Crusader: No Remorse on MS-DOS (8/10)

Crusader Just Standing Around

In the 90s, I tried playing the demo of this game many times and could never really get into it. Crusader was one of the best looking PC games of its time and I really wanted to like it. But the controls. Oh my God, the controls. Eventually, this scheme would go on to be described as tank controls in other games like Resident Evil. Basically, you aim and move your character in relation to the direction their sprite is facing rather than the direction you want them to move on the screen. Crusader takes that counter-intuitive mechanic to a whole new level of complexity by adding jumping, diving and ducking to the mix.

There are some default mouse controls which almost work, but your character is stuck with gun drawn, shuffling around like a man with his pants around his ankles. I got about a third the way through the game doing that until just gave up and set the game aside for a while. Months later I returned and forced myself to learn the standard keyboard controls. These are still clunky, but with practice and a lot of help from the auto-aim feature the game becomes much more fast-paced and responsive. Even then, the mouse is still helpful when the occasional fast-spinning aiming is required. For the most part, it pays to just bite the bullet and learn the keyboard controls. Think of Crusader like Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing but with more explosions and incinerated humans.

The Oily Maniac (8/10)

Many of the same faces from the Black Magic movies are here for another Shaw horror "classic". Once again it's filmed in Indonesia for no apparent reason other than maybe it was easier to find locals who would be willing to go topless. There is nothing about this movie that makes any sense. It starts with a contract negotiation that ends with a stabbing, which leads to an execution, but not before a voodoo spell is revealed, and then an unrelated rape trial takes place, he said/she said flashbacks...

Killer Constable (9/10)

This was a surprisingly good martial arts film that's heavy on dark tone and light on the karate. Films like this are why I endure so much Shaw Bros. garbage. I know all the tropes, yet this movie was fresh and surprising. There's a very solid spaghetti western vibe throughout. A highly recommended entry point if you are interested in martial arts  movies.