Category: Robert’s Blog

Modern Movie Zombies Suck

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A dorky cutesy zombie.

Leave it to Generation-Y2K to take something that was once cool, convert it into a stupid Internet meme, and ruin it for everyone. They are doing it to zombies just like they did it to Rick Astley, bacon and pirates. Well, pirates were never cool, and that whole “talk like a pirate day” crap was never even mildly funny, but you get where I am coming from. It’s been thirty-plus years since George Romero defined the zombie genre in film with Night of the Living Dead and what do we have? People dressing up in rags and pancake makeup and running 4K zombie fun runs, zombie themed weddings, zombie themed cakes, zombie themed wedding cakes, zombies in cereal commercials, Hello Kitty zombies, hip blocky “designer” zombie toy figurines, and don’t get me started on the reams of spiral notebook paper dedicated to inane ‘tude rife b-boy style art:

Ha ha! Zombies are cute! Lolz!!

Without even having to resort to a Google search, you can bet some jackasses are busy making preparations for a rival “Talk like a zombie day.”

Okay, I guess I’m glad that there are people out there being creative in showing their love for the zombie, but, as a result of all this pop culture saturation, people are losing sight of what was so great about zombies of the past. Compare the crappy illustrations above with this awesome clip from the third-rate Italian zombie movie, Burial Ground:

Burial Ground: Nights of Terror

The makeup is cheap but effective. No CGI. Just a couple of lumps of clay, some maggots and old burlap convey a sense of stinking death, decay and supernatural dread that is mostly absent in modern takes on the genre. Modern filmmakers are always trying to give us a rational explaination behind the existence of the zombies—it’s a highly contagious virus that makes everyone super aggressive  (Zombieland and 28 Days Later). I’m sorry, but if that monster isn’t a reanimated corpse and just some dude with a really bad 24-hour flu, it’s not a zombie. Personally, I have always thought that Fulci’s notion that the zombies are the result of a more biblical apocalypse worked best. Woe be on to him who opens one of the seven doorways to Hell! I miss those iconic images of a rotted corpse digging itself out of the ground for no good reason at all. I gather that the real purpose for all these contemporary “zombies” being extreme cold-sufferers is that the producers need to have fast-moving zombies. Zombies lurch, stagger, scratch and crawl. They don’t run! Their power comes from their numbers and not their totally rad parkour skillz.  And since when were zombies all about brain-eating? It was a cute joke in Return of the Living Dead, but I thought zombies weren’t that particular about what cut of meat they ate. Okay, now I’m just making myself so upset that I am forgetting to add paragraph breaks…

Ah, that’s better. I should just chill and watch a little Burial Ground: Nights of Terror. It’ll relax me.

Dolph Lundgren Awesome

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Here’s the mighty Dolph Lungren from the movie Showdown in Little Tokyo. I highly recommend it for lovers of bad movies. This movie just reaks of super-awesome-tude. In the above scene, Dolph looks like he is doing a little stand-up at the Improv. He is, in fact, getting connected with his Japanese cultural roots by dressing like a Karateman and then machine gunning pony-tailed Yakuzas who wear double-breasted suits.

Oh, Hello There…

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Although I try to minimize political posting here on the Pages of Fun, about a week ago I decided to run with a post featuring a “Tea Party” protest poster I created: Teabagger / Teabaggee. I tweeted (I hate that term… almost as much as webinar) a link, got a few dozen hits and that was that.

However, yesterday I started to get all sorts of notifications of new comments in my inbox regarding this post. I went and checked my analytics account:

Analytics!

This could graph could mean one of two things: anthropogenic global warming is real and we are all on the cusp of the apocalypse, or someone on the Internet with many more readers than me linked to my page. Fortunately it was latter. I was able to back track to find out where all these hits were coming from:

PJTV’s Stephen Green (a.k.a. Vodkapundit) featured the post on his weekly show, The Week in Blogs. In fact, he referred to it as “The Photoshop of Week” and “The Blog of the Week.” Also (and I’m not sure if this came first) I was also linked on Glenn Reynold’s mighty Instapundit blog!

In the immortal words of Three Stoned Men, “Smells Like the Big Time!” Ok, time to check my Google Adsense account and see all that money I raked in:

Google Adsense Winnings!

Dammit.

Down Istanbul

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This is my new favorite song of the moment! Download it here. Get the whole album here at Twilightzone’s Blog, where, at the moment, there is a great series of rare 45’s being posted under the moniker Trashcan Records. Fantastic stuff!

Update: Drop.io is dead, as is my link to the song. Sorry. Here’s a YouTube version:

Dummy Image Bookmarklet

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This afternoon I came up with a handy little bookmarklet (or favlet) that uses the site dummyimage.com to create a place holder graphic. Simply drag the following link to the button bar of your browser:

Dummy Image

Here’s the code:

<a href="javascript:var q=window.prompt('Dimensions XxY (for example 640x480)');if(q){void(window.open('http://dummyimage.com/'+q))}else{void(0);};">Dummy Image</a>

When you click the bookmark it will prompt you to input image dimensions. Use the format, WIDTHxHEIGHT (for example 640×480) and a new window should open up with a downloadable GIF with those exact dimensions.

Copyright and YouTube

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I just noticed today that a video I had posted in YouTube was just blocked in the U.S. because of some music I used in the background. Specifically, they blocked my PC Transporter video that I used to demo some hardware I was selling on eBay. The video is pretty mundane, but I used a Señor Coconut track in the background along with various beeps and noises from the Apple ][gs. Come on, who is going to download the song with all sorts of disk drive noises on top of it? WMG thinks people will do this, so now only people outside the U.S. can view the video. But, get this, if you can view the video in your region, it gives you direct links to download the song on iTunes or Amazon! That is a brilliant business move, but apparently using user created videos as a promo tool in the U.S. is beyond the pea brains at WMG. So, for my sake, please steal Señor Coconut’s record off the Internet (search for it on Google, you’ll find it for download from Rapidshare or similar site) and don’t buy the record if you live in the U.S.A.! I will find a way around YouTube’s blocker soon and repost the video here as soon as I can.

Canada

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I just got back from a short little weekend excursion to visit my cousins up in Windsor, Canada. Windsor can be described as Detroit’s Gary, Indiana… if Gary had weird money and lots of Tim Horton’s donut shops (or do they say shoppes in Canada? Or doughnuts for that matter?). One area where Windsor has Gary (and Chicago) whipped, is great Lebanese food (El Mayor). On the other hand, the whole “Beer Store” thing is really, dare I say, stupid and backwards. We got to witness a little bit of the Canadian healthcare system when we met our cousins at the E.R. while they had their son treated for his fevery sickness. The free thing is great and all, but they definitely had a much longer time waiting than you would see in most U.S. emergency rooms. They did manage to treat the fever and all was well by the end of the weekend. Other notable events: full monty vehicle search at the border coming home, vandalized key-drop at the Enterprise car-rental return and a guy with tourettes at the Swiss Chalet who would be an awesome back-up vocalist for Naked Raygun!