Robert Wm. Gomez's

The Tricky Master (5/10)

I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a sequel to Tricky Brains, but it's just as bad as that film. This is filled with Hong Kong pop culture references and lame jokes and nothing really works. All of the conflict is resolved with weird Asian poker games that make no sense to me.

God of Cookery (6/10)

Stephen Chow is an arrogant T.V. chef who is dethroned and must cook his way back to the top. Much of the humor is cultural and flew over my head, but there's enough of Chow's usual fantasy slapstick to keep me interested. However, it's not even close to the quality of his work in the 2000s. The highlight of the movie is Nancy Sit's cameo as a mean, dancing food critic.

Red Steel 2 on Nintendo Wii (8/10)

Red Steel 2 Box ArtWe are already two generations beyond the Wii and I am still getting caught up on all the games I've been wanting to play for years.

Red Steel 2 was the first big title to take advantage of the Wii Motion Plus controller. For some reason, the prospect of a motion controlled sword fighting game was always a big thing. I think Red Steel 2 comes close to fulfilling that nerd dream. It still is a bit of a waggle freak-out during hectic fights, but, when it's focused, the motion controls work very well. This is a massive improvement on the previous game in the series.

Love on Delivery (7/10)

Man, Stephen Chow has been making the same movie over and over for more than two decades. Don't get me wrong, I usually like the end result, but maybe try something a little different? The basics, Stephen Chow goes from loser to kung-fu master with tons of slapstick and dated movie references along the way. I do enjoy how he can take a throw-away joke from earlier and then bring it back in to focus later on in a way that makes the original effort seem like it was somehow important to the story (Garfield mask?!).

What We Do in the Shadows (7/10)

A decent entry in the never-ending series of mock documentary films. This one follows the mundane lives of three New Zealand vampires. It has its moments and is a zillion times better than the various attempts to make a monsters in the real world story like True Blood.

Four Riders (8/10)

Not all Shaw Brothers martial arts movies take place in ancient China. Four Riders is set in Seoul during the weeks following the Korean War when bell-bottoms and disco hair were apparently all the rage. Not much in this movie makes any sense, but if you can take a deep breath and ignore the gaping plot holes, it's a fun ride with a wild climax. Features: a dart throwing hentchwoman, apocalyptic biblical references, gym-kata and a shorty-robe wearing crime boss.

Saturn 3 (5/10)

I remember seeing this movie in the video store with its super-cool robot on the cover and thinking, "This rated R so it is probably a super graphic and scary sci-fi movie like Alien." Alien kinda traumatized me as a kid so I was never in a rush to rent this one. Now, thirty years later I have finally mustered the nerve to watch it. Dear gawd, it's low budget crap. The R rating is mostly from the inclusion a seventy-year-old Kirk Douglass's naked bum.

Green Room (8/10)

The first fifteen minutes of this movie are noteworthy for accurately depicting what it's like to be a touring punk rock band. Sleeping on floors. Scrounging for gas money. Playing for nobody in the middle of the day. The rest of it is a thriller in which the band needs to figure out how to get out of a deadly situation involving a calculating club owner and his neo-nazi followers.

The Killer Is on the Phone (7/10)

Not that it matters, but the title of this film has nothing to do with what happens on the screen. There are maybe two seconds where we see the killer on the phone but it is just a throwaway moment. I wanted wicked taunts and heavy breathing! I assume the Italian producers were just trying to cash in on a 70s telephone-based murderer craze? In any event, this is a mystery thriller which is pretty light on the thrills and very heavy on the talky bits. Despite this abundance of dialogue, Telly Savalas is underutilized having maybe three lines.

Rage on PC (5/10)

Going Down to Brown Towne

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. This game is the epitome of bland first person shooters and Id Software should know better. They still seem not to know that there are colors beyond brown. There are no attempts at originality here. The post-apocalyptic setting is like a colorless, un-fun Borderlands. The barely-there plot is a rehash of the Fallout fish out of water structure.