Quote me if I’m Wrong: The English Language vs. My Dad

My father, like our recent commander in chief, has an uncanny knack for flubbing phrases and for saying things that are just plain bizarre. His co-workers quickly picked up on this and for more than twenty years they have been keeping track of all the crazy things he’s muttered.

My father, like our recent commander in chief, has an uncanny knack for flubbing phrases and for saying things that are just plain bizarre. His co-workers quickly picked up on this and for more than twenty years they have been keeping track of all the crazy things he’s muttered.

At his retirement party they gave him a bound and hand lettered volume containing all of his “Gomerisms.” For your enjoyment, I present you with the complete listing. A word of warning, a number of these are either inside jokes or relate to medical stuff that the average Joe won’t get. But don’t fret, the majority defy any explanation anyway.

A special thank you to Dr. Ralph Bransky whose idea it was to have these recorded and Dennis Flack for recording them for prosperity!

Dr. Robert C. Gomez’s “Gomerisms” from 1979 to 2001

• The fire is in our basket.
• This guy is going to fly like a rose.
• Little things come in little packages.
• You can’t put the cart between the horse.
• I guess I’ll have to swallow that in my mouth.
• He’s biting his chin.
• Two by night.
• Intentions are never planned as they want to be.
• How to make a pig’s ear out of a sow.
• I knew I had ESPN.
• Forty days has September.
• He wants all the A’s and B’s dotted.
• He knows how to butter, butter.
• You can even walk in these shoes.
• Last guys come in last.
• Don’t you recognize your keys when you hear them?
• Walk on your knees like a cat.
• That’s the trouble when you yell fox to many times.
• You have to go to the movie to see the music.
• It’s kinda like whose got the salami.
• Look at the two groom’s and one groom’s maid.
• I usually can’t tell till the eleventh or twelfth month. (refering to a pregnancy)
• She’s not bad for the way she looks.
• Six of one two thirds of another.
• Quote me if I’m wrong.
• The cards are on the wall.
• Back in the black ages.
• If you don’t buy from me you’ll buy to much.
• When you hear the horses look for the zebra.
• He who laughs last dies last.
• Engrained in the future.
• All meat and no potatoes.
• That’s like biting off your nose to kill your face.
• That was melted in concrete.
• The barn has been doored.
• Tis far better to look dumb than to never have looked at all.
• The patient had slurred vision.
• What kind of Chinaman are you when you can’t even speak Japanese?
• The worm is in the bag.
• It’s like running faster but going slower you never catch up.
• All good things are hard.
• Who’s the guy that walks around in a wheelchair?
• We’ll just have to buy the beans.
• Down on your flow (you know B L)
• We’ll have to get this done while the hot iron is flashing.
• Well that’s the way the corkscrews.
• Say what is on your head?
• I think we’ve got them pinched off at the pass.
• If I were me.
• It’s as easy as shooting dead ducks.
• Women will be women.
• Hip scop and a jump.
• I’ll be a chicken’s uncle.
• That’s one of those little know facts that people wish they never knew.
• Stranger than fiction but better than fact.
• Do you have any kids on fire now?
• He’s growing like a chief.
• Well it’s about time she wets her wings.
• You can’t get hurt if you lose.
• Tits would look better on a boar.
• Adding coal to the fire.
• You’ve got a memory like a horse.
• Sometimes you can’t see the trees when your in the forest.
• Be kind to those who don’t know anything, for they shall create the earth.
• Shifting of the guard.
• Typhoon Rosemary.
• She knows which side her dish is placed on.
• It’s a nail bender.
• Take those blood gases, put some salt on them, and shove them where it doesn’t rain.
• Patience is of essence.
• You’ve got to eat some pie to know how the crow feels.
• Do you mean we have to do 49 more of these to get one survivor?
• Hindsight is better than no sight.
• You can’t get turnips from a rock.
• I want my patients prepped alive.
• Hand jibe it.
• He’s still walking in the woods.
• Slide together like butter and cream.
• She’s really dragging her ankles.
• Give this patient the bluegrass treatment.
• I’ll believe it when I trust it.
• You’ve got to get your ducks on the table.
• It’s already out on the pom-poms.
• We could sure use that finger person now.
• Ok, but if you stab me you won’t have a head to walk on.
• I’ve got a bunch of dead wood coming out of the closet.
• It’s a blessing in sheep’s clothing.
• Kids are yours.
• Follow the yellow brick dots.
• That’s damn near a six-pack.
• Haven’t cracked any bridges yet.
• Sitting there talking Whalish. (refering to a family from Wales)
• I can’t tell candy from soda pop.
• It’s about time we sever the spinal cord.
• Frank Buffone.
• The must take it on the chin in the feet.
• That’s the icing on the cream.
• Down like a light.
• I’m on the Muscular Sclerosis drive.
• He’s talking out of his other cheek.
• Dave, are you rotating?
• Excuse me, I’m talking out loud.
• The kidneys aren’t beating.
• That’s cardiac surgery “1985”.
• By the teeth of his chin.
• Look, I’ve got bisexual gloves.
• He’s going to turn up the fires.
• It was fresh on my tongue.
• Live in Osborne Australia.
• Muddle the waters.
• We’re going to get those guys to eat their chains.
• What’s the joltage?
• He’s dying to get a new heart.
• Balls of fun.
• Speak and you shall find.
• The flight of hand.
• Off the top of my hands.
• Driving through the blaring snow.
• He’s been standing on his feet all of his life.
• From an eyeballs point of view.
• Get a muzzle in the air.
• And I mean every minute of it.
• A pigment of you imagination.
• The Tom Donahue show.
• Better to bite than to swallow.
• I’m going to give him a nine full-court.
• In the blistering snow.
• Don’t say that, malignancies start to happen.
• You’ve got to get some bones on your meat.
• The early worm gets the screw.
• Let’s give two in the bucket (FFP).
• Are these disposable, or for one time use.
• Laughing and laughing until you turn blue in the horse.
• Is the Pope Polish, does the sunrise in the west?
• How many calories does that have anyway? (The Hope diamond)
• Bite your mouth.
• Get B.O. (B.S.)
• You get what you see.
• Sauce in the ointment.
• Don’t bite the dog that feeds you.
• It’s beginning to sound like a dead record.
• It’s time to circle the horses around the Indians.
• It’ll all fan out.
• Don’t put all your horses in one basket.
• After years of traveling you lose your wonder lust.
• This case will be a piece of pie.
• An elephant can’t forget better than you.
• A fly in the night ointment.
• I’ve got a lot more apathy for my patients now.
• It doesn’t amount to a hill of bananas.
• Dinner at Art Carnegies.
• Every year is just another year.
• This sucker sucks.
• The early bird rises first.
• That’s putting the nail on the head.
• I don’t know what happened, but what happened, happened, when it happened.
• Go get a Texas Instrument and pit it in him. (Catheter)
• This is like the free stooges, Larry, Harry and Curly.
• Well I think everything that has been said, has been said.

Note: We have since found out that this type jumbling of sayings may actually be a speech impairment along the lines of stuttering. My Dad is a very smart and well-read man, but he did stutter somewhat when he was younger.