Robert Wm. Gomez's

May 2010

Paul Blart: Mall Cop (7/10)

This should be an awful movie. The fact that it is producted by Adam Sandler should be enough of a deterrant. But it turns out, as long as Adam Sandler is nowhere near the front of the camera, with his terrible delivery and annoying baby-talk voice, a movie has a chance to be funny. Kevin James knows how to play the title character earnestly, without the Sandler-esqe winks to the camera after every joke. The stupid premise actually works as both a parody of Die Hard or Rambo and as a goofy SNL-type character skit movie.

Battle Royale (8/10)

Another Japanese movie. This one is about a future where the only way to keep those rotten kids under control is to pick a class of forty or so 15-year-olds to battle to the death on a deserted island. The film was well-paced, entertaining and features one of my favorite actors, Beat Takshi. It could have used a quite a bit more character set up so that we actually care about (or at least can distinguish) the kids who are getting killed. Still, it's a fun, wild ride.

Uzumaki (6/10)

Japanese horror movie about a town in which the inhabitants slowly become mesmerized by uzumaki. Uzumaki translates to spirals. Mind you, this is not a metaphor or symbol. They are literally obsessed with spirals: snail shells, winding staircases, etc. Once under the power of the swirly-swirls, characters start to become suicidal, pale and ghost-like. The acting is terrible and story thing never quite makes any sense, but it might be worth watching just for some of the typical contorted Japanese-y ghouls.

Perversion Story (6/10)

A pre-gore Lucio Fulci giallo that, like most of Fulci's films, looks great with plenty of wonderful close ups and weird angles. Unfortunately the story is just plain stupid. It comes off as a take on Hitchcock's Vertigo through both the setting and the doppleganger plot device. But here, after the big reveal, there's no reason at all for the look-a-like other than to have a few scenes take place in a topless bar. The climax is presented as a news report?! Lame. Stupid. Lots of Mod-era stripteasing though!

Fuck the Mummies by Mummies, The (7/10)

Format: 
CD

This is a bootleg CD release of The Mummies' shelved debut record. The recordings are uncharacteristically clean and professional. I can see why they decided not to release this. Without the on-a-budget mayhem there is not much to distinguish the band from the hundreds of other garage rock rehashers. Also missing is much of the organ playing that features in most of their best recordings.Thankfully, a 20 minute live recording is also included as a track which more than makes up for the sterile first half.

The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss (10/10)

An extremely well written fantasy novel that steers clear of most of your standard fantasy fiction cliches. Sure, there is magic and mythical beasts, but the story is all told with such plain spoken realism and believability that you never feel totally nerded out. In many ways it is like Harry Potter for grown ups—you've got your "Snape" character and "Malfoy" character—sans the "anything goes" magic system (Batman... er... Potter, use your handy shark repellant spray...er...I mean wand).

Comment Spammers Ahoy

You know I loves to get comments. But let's not deceive ourselves here, visitors and their witty comments are a rarity around here. I was quite excited to see that I was getting lots of comments in the last day, but it turns out some less-than-moron with small genitals is taking the time to answer CAPTCHA forms just so they can post links to their stupid male-enhancement scam websites. For the time being comments are disabled until these trolls go away.

Death by Unga Bunga!! by Mummies, The (9/10)

Format: 
CD

The final gasp from the kings of Budget Rock, The Mummies! This is their only legimately released CD and is yet another compilation of previously issued recordings. The sound quality is utter crap (as one might expect), but the songs are all awesome, especially (You Must Fight to Live) On the Planet of the Apes.

Idiology by Mouse on Mars (8/10)

Format: 
CD

I bought this CD after a talk from one of the members of Negativeland who recommended the band. This is a hodgepodge of styles, the binding element being the use of glitchy electronics. The variety is nice and keeps the CD from falling into the repetitive thump-thump-thump of most electronica. It also means that a few of the tracks kinda suck.

Modern Movie Zombies Suck

A dorky cutesy zombie. Leave it to Generation-Y2K to take something that was once cool, convert it into a stupid Internet meme, and ruin it for everyone. They are doing it to zombies just like they did it to Rick Astley, bacon and pirates. Well, pirates were never cool, and that whole "talk like a pirate day" crap was never even mildly funny, but you get where I am coming from.

The Curse of La Lloroña by Monarchs, The (9/10)

Format: 
7"

The Monarchs were a 90s garage band from Michigan for which I have always had a big soft spot. Their  LP, Et Vincere et Mori is some of my favorite garage revival music and worth seeking out. I like this single too, although the live lo-fi quality is a bit harsh. The title track is an epic western tinged ballad that ranks with some of the band's best. If you have any other recordings by this great band let me know. I'd love to hear more!