Robert Wm. Gomez's

June 2008

Enchanted (6/10)

Mildly Entertaining Disney faire

The Happening (4/10)

Bad acting and a cheesy premise.

Cloverfield (8/10)

Very well done fake-real video horror.

The Case of the Scorpion's Tail (8/10)

This is a pretty top-notch Giallo. It has George Hilton, Luigi Pistilli, a black hatted killer, bloody murder set pieces, sexy 70s European fashion, wonderful cinematic compositions, a dissonant score by Bruno Nicolai and oodles upon oodles of J & B Scotch Whiskey. On top of all that, a story that actually makes sense (a Giallo rarity!), you be twisting and turning until the very end.

The Odessa File (5/10)

Lacks the pacing that could have made this a great spy thriller, and many of the performances are quite wooden. However, the climax is quite well done and makes up for much of the ho hum middle.

The Love Guru (6/10)

A lot of people said this was horrible, but I didn't mind it so much. Funny but completly lacking in character development.

Tropic Thunder (6/10)

Entertaining war film parody. A little bit too much of an action film at the end.

Kung Fu Panda (7/10)

Decent animated feature that's completely cliche, but enjoyable.

La Decima Vittima (6/10)

A quirky 60's sci-fi thriller meets bedroom farce. Fairly entertaining but the ending is muddled.

Simpsons: The Movie (5/10)

Like a long medicore episode. Very disappointing.

Casino Royale (8/10)

The best bond since the Spy Who Loved Me. The emphasis is on character development instead of over-the-top action sequences. Feels more like the books than most of the films ever did.

Evil Dead Trap (7/10)

Japanese horror that draws almost note for note from Italian gore-maestro Lucio Fulci--synthy score, gratuitous eye gag, sound f/x track that is comprised almost entirely of someone stirring a bowl of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. Not quite a classic, but there are some nice misdirections and twists in the set pieces.

CJ7 (8/10)

Shephen Chow's family movie that follows the formula laid out in E.T. a couple of decades ago. Chow knows his craft. Just when you think the movie has started to drift off track his pulls it back on track. The ending is a little lame.

Starcrash (8/10)

"Imperial battleship, halt the flow of time!" This is some awesome trash. Mostly crap, but pay attention to the score by John Barry(!) and the beautiful widescreen shot framing.

La Terza Madre: The Third Mother (6/10)

Not at all worthy of it predecessors, Inferno & Suspiria, but at least it takes no prisoners when it comes to over-the-top violence--I'd recommend seeing if only for that. The plot and setting drifts around way too much, and, at times, the film just ... looks cheap and amateurish--Daria Nicolodi as Obi-Wan Kenobi, lame. I have a feeling I may enjoy it a little more on a second viewing, but I'll hold off on that until I get annoyed by Argento's next disaster.

The Ruins (7/10)

Not bad, considering the "monster" is not in the least bit scary. The initial set-up is a bit slow, but it picks up to become a fairly well-paced film. Kinda like a mix between Cabin Fever and the TV show Survivor.

Contamination (7/10)

Surprisingly, I was entertained by this. Yes, it's an Italian Alien rip-off, but Alien was itself rip off of the Italian Sci-Fi film, Planet of the Vampires So there.

Space Chimps (2/10)

Horrible CGI and, except for a handful of gags, not worth your time

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (6/10)

This entry into the series suffers from long stretches not much of anything happening. I suppose you could argue that it's nice to see some character development for a change. But the chugging plot and sense of amazement that usually permeates the series is absent here.

The Host (6/10)

Entertaining but thoroughly confused monster movie. The over-the-top comedic moments tend to jar you out of the already paper thin story. There is no suspense whatsoever and you will be puzzled as to why 95% of the time no one seems to care that there is a 40 foot monster running around killing people.

The Machine Girl (7/10)

Horrible story, horrible acting, and wall-to-wall fakey Japanese schoolgirl gore. I enjoyed every second of it.

Ratatoulli (9/10)

The most visually impressive and stylized Pixar movie

Spiderman 3 (6/10)

In desparate need of some editing, this film runs about 1 hour too long with way too many lame sub-plots. But, worth watching if only for Bruce Campbell's cameo.

Superbad (7/10)

Entertaining, but not quite laugh-out-loud funny. 40-year-old virgin was better.

Ti piace Hitchcock? (Do You Like Hitchcock?) (6/10)

Actually, I liked this. Argento's painterly style is nowhere to be found but I thought the story never was dull and there were some nice, albeit slight, variations on classic Hitchcock moments.

The Stendhal Syndrome (8/10)

The best of the post-Opera Argento films. Has moments of sheer brilliance, but plenty of crappy parts too. The score is incredible.

Dario Argento's Trauma (5/10)

It has its moments, but Trauma suffers from horrible dialogue (even for Argento), a wholly inappropriate score and many bad editing choices that simply kill any suspense. I blame Minnesota.

The House of Exorcism (6/10)

An entertaining rethink of Lisa and the Devil.

Kidnapped (7/10)

In many ways, much tighter than Rabid Dogs, but the ending ruins the film.

The House by the Cemetary (6/10)

Fulci haunted house movie. Pretty slow until the finale.

The Antichrist (5/10)

Starts out interesting but loses focus in the second, exorcist wannbe, half.

Grindhouse (8/10)

Shallow and stupid, but I guess that's the point. Nonetheless, always entertaining. Tarantino's section is mediocre but the fake previews are great.

Horton Hears a Who (6/10)

Mildly entertaining, but caters too much to the Shrek crowd.

The New York Ripper (6/10)

You'd be hard pressed to find a movie that hated its female characters any more than this one does. This is some sleazy film making with some effective murder scenes and a nice soundtrack.

The Five Days of Milan (6/10)

Dario Argento's political farce. Has many funny moments, but is very confusing if you don't know the history of The Five Days. Gets a bit too heavy handed near the end.

Seven Shawls of Yellow Silk (Crimes of the Black Cat) (8/10)

Horrible quality video. A giallo that isn't quite as stylish as its contemporaries, but has a solid plot and some great pacing and direction. Story of a series of murders in a fashion house that entangle a blind composer.

The Eye (Gin gwai) (6/10)

Mediocre ghost story in which bursts of sped-up film and of quick cuts are a lame substitute for real cinematic suspense and horror. Plot is alright up until about the halfway point.

Zombi 5: Killing Birds (1/10)

Absolutely horrible. It was like a student film from a C student. The overly loud sound of chirping insects will drive you nuts. Literally nothing happens until about 56 minutes in the film.

Crimson (3/10)

Gangster/mad scientist movie that is only worth watching tsee the satyr burlesque number in the middle of the film.

Murder Party (8/10)

What's not to love about a gory thriller/comedy that makes fun of art scene-sters

Zombi 4: After Death (5/10)

I thought it was better than Zombi 3, but not by much. More gore, and an effective opening. Paper thin plot and characters after that.

Zombi 3 (4/10)

Fulci literally phones this one in. A few interesting shots, but mostly poorly paced and horribly acted with no tension

Children of Men (9/10)

A great sci-fi film with lots of long-shot action sequences that will have you wondering how the heck they co-ordinated the action.